7 sure signs he's a mama's boy


She knows his deepest secrets. She knows how to cook his favorite food. And hey, she's known him longer than anyone. How are you expected to compete with this other woman?

Sure, it's endearing when your man cares about his mom: sends her flowers on mother's day, drops by for lunch, helps her move. But it's downright scary when he takes it too far: sends her flowers weekly, lets her pack his lunch, helps her move into his apartment.

Allow me to paint a few pictures and you decide if your man's mom has a good son or a good grip on your boyfriend:

Call Waiting Courtesy
You're on the phone with your man, making plans for a romantic evening. Just as you're confessing that you plan on going commando, his other line beeps. He makes two mistakes. First, he answers it. Second, when he returns, he explains that he really needs to take this call from his mom. Her cat, Benecio, seems depressed.

Maxing out Minutes
Speaking of phones, how often does he talk to her? On a daily basis? Think about it; they can only discuss Benecio's mental state for so long. Then what's left? You? Watch out, she may be monopolizing his cell phone minutes chastising you for your hellacious hospital corners.

Priority Planning
So now the romantic evening is upon you. Remember? The one where you're going commando, yes that one. Try and keep up. There you are, standing by the door, looking fabulous sans undergarments, when he calls. His mom needs him to help her move a china cabinet ... or a cabinet to China — whatever it is, all you hear is that he's ditching you for her.

Quotables
Ever hear this? "My mom always says you should rinse your pasta before you serve it..." or "My mom always says, 'haste makes waste' " If he starts more than 20% of his sentences like this, you're on the losing end of this competition. And as long as you're discussing things that people say, hit him with one of your favorites: "There comes a time when you have to cut the apron strings."

And in This Corner We Have...
Is he constantly comparing the two of you? This can be annoying — "When my mom cleans the mirror, she doesn't leave any streaks" — or just plain creepy — "When you clean the mirror in that skirt, you remind me so much of my mom." Come on, you're a sexy singleton. She's a senior citizen. There should be no comparison. Oh, but if I were you, I'd lose that skirt.

Interior Design by Mom
So would you describe the décor of his house as "Country Clutter" or "Fashionably Floral?" Trick question. Either one is a sign that he let mom do the decorating. The real question is, does the house include an abundance of pictures of her? Even more importantly, do you have to stare at a picture of her when you're in his bed? That's not right. A picture of mom in a muumuu can really spoil the mood.

Visitation Rights and Wrongs
Does his mom ever just stop by because she was "in the neighborhood?" She's lying. Come on, the woman's got a warm plate of cookies and a basket of his clean laundry. Plus, moms aren't impulsive. If she stops by at 11:00 on a Friday night, she planned it. So make sure you're dressed. Or better yet, get your cookie and run.

So if you've surmised that your man is maternally dependant and you think you can change him, let me paint one final picture for you. I call it, "your future" and it looks something like this: You and your man sitting on the couch, with his mom in between. Oh, and don't forget little Benecio, moping under the coffee table. So paint yourself a new picture: you, your new man (who does not require anyone to cut the crust off his sandwich) cuddling alone on the couch. And while you're at it, liven up that picture with a bouquet of flowers he bought just for you.