hrm? me a job during the holidays? wahah`~~ yep.. i MIGHT be working during the holidays due to the call i got from Evan at 8 in the morning.. damn but anyway.. that means cash going into my account ( maybe) wahahha~

i saw her blog .. the pictures which i meant to see a long time ago...
i ought to move on. i know.. but when i saw tears started falling from my eyes.
i miss him lor.. even thought we are not close.

Well, i have to thank all my friends who have said comforting words to me, even though its my not-so-close-cousin. Wanna thank certain pple like Shad for coming to his wake. You lost a very close friend who ran cross campus with you.. and of course knowing me. i WON'T run cross campus with you lor.. dun say cross campus, on the tracks i also won't. for some childhood reason, i hate running.

To Eve, just wanna let you know, thanks for coming too.. but you have just lost a good trainer and a friend. Once i saw the two of you buying chips from the vending machine near the gym..

as i have mentioned before, time will heal all pains and wounds of the heart. So We have to move on but he will etched in our hearts for as long as can remember.

I won't delete his friendster account. but i have deleted his number.just in case my stupid mobile calls him accidently.. which i know no one will never pick it up.

The feeling of death is still very fresh, even though it happened 5 days ago. my heart still wrenched when i read her blog... when i see his brother's nickname on msn.. the idea of him being gone for good is still quite unbelievable. I mean i'm not that close to him... but afterall we attended the same poly, i know some his friends, saw him regulary when he was still in np. my recent entries are dedicated to him ...

True..when i cried the past few days, i cried because of the pain that da auntie, aunty kim, aunty judy and yvonne, grandma and han liat felt. I agree with Jasper, but during the cremation, i cried because i felt hard to letting someone so young go just like that.. I apologise to shad whom i bombed his hp with unnecessary messages. ( heez)... During thursday's meeting. i felt i had not much mood to do my project. just entering the np, walking past the np library's movie collection just reminded me when i met him in the library with his mates. haiz. the smell of death just lingers around...

When you hate someone.. its very subjective.. why did you hate that particular someone? When the particular person pass away, you felt so sorry for hating that person that you don't wish to hate the person anymore. That's what i felt....... It suddenly reminded of an incident when that person you hate so much lent you some money when you have no money for lunch and dinner. You immediately felt bad, you felt sorry that your hatred will just leave you just like that. It just pricks on you. very upsetting. until now when i read her blog I felt tears in my eyes. During his wake, I allow my tears to flow. I saw his friends crying, i cried. Felt the pain in my heart. Felt how was it to lose such a great guy like him. Was very touched at teh fact that his kindergarten friend came. I think all his friends came. Even S. was upset as his girlfriend told me... Life................................ L-I-F-E-

For the fun of it, i went to Technorati to search for my cousin's story.. well "accidentally" found his gf's blog. Read the blog and found out some stuff that i don't think my aunt knew? Maybe? I don't know. Yesterday everyone was very upset. His friends were very visibly upset. Buckets of tears were collected. I saw one of the palbearers had tears streaming down his face. sad sad sad. Gramps said she heard an areoplane zooming across the sky.. there were dogs running around the area. six of them.. ( on the second night) gramps said that his "dog" friends were looking for him? Okay the way she made the statement, to me, it sounded like this bad friends came over and look for him- haha-lame. Even though its a sad situation and event but i felt that my family are much closer than ever. Well.. time heals... i guess. Thankfully Aunt is doing fine.. those pple who accompanied her ( she didn't go for the cremmation--- yes... wrong spelling la) in the flat said that she was fine.. that's really nice... =) We were doing the accounts yesterday.. some people came last minute.. C. found that his KINDERGARTEN friend came .. wah !! KINDERGARTEN FRIEND. i can't even remmeber how my kindy friends looked like or who they are. Not to mentioned Primary school friends except for P.G. i see her periodically.. Secondary school? i don't even see them lor.. unless during sch, i'll see them on campus ONCE IN A BLUE MOON... Time really heal wounds i guess.. haiz..................................................................

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

(www.letssingit.com.)

This is to someone.. even though i really hate you when i was a kid.. and we had nothing to say over these years. i'm sorry is all i have to say cos you're not here anymore. no more..

The calling- Whenever you may go

So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own
CHORUS
If I could, then I would
I'd go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you
CHORUS
Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love
I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time
CHORUS
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go

The chinese have a saying "If the old don't go, the new wouldn't come" ( well something like that) So one perfect example would be :

OLD

NEW

common factor :

Suede's front man is the new The Tears' front man!!! woo hoot.

Suede's ex member Bernard Butler ( a.k.a. the duo from Mcalmont and Butler) is part of The Tears.

Dream on Oasis

Oh where oh where can it be?

Its been three weeks

and we can't find!!!

( People.. sing to the tune of the chorus of Pearl Jam's Last kiss)

Well... the fifth sem has ended quite soon.. not very prepared for the fast ending.. but anyway.. i was just wondering if all these 6 sems meant something to me.. whether my job title (oh!!! no!!! OB!!) will be 'early childhood educator" or something else.. i know this is the time for me not to be a bobo doll and wave back and forth whether i should move on to do the degree or should i work and take it slow.. right now i feel that im like bobo doll.. i don;t know whether to stay on or move on.. absolutely confused. If I KNEW that that freaking interview needed a FREAKING portfolio i would FREAKING do that FREAKING portfolio and of course do not give stupid answers. Now i'm really complentating whether should i move to NAFA, SIA La Salle to do the diploma in Visual Communication or Diploma in Advertising ( TOTAL FOR TWO YEARS 6. odd k. plus the degree course is much cheaper than B.A. in ECH lor!!) .THIS TIME. I WILL DO THE FREAKING PORTFOLIO. heehhehehe ( evil laugh)

Well.. i never quite got back onto the topic i left hanging there mid-air. ( heez) olrighty.. trying to study oB. but never quite got around to to either.. meeting Yu Hui tomorrow. wait -a-minute my brother's having lunch now.. geez. its only 11.07 am OB ar OB.. you're such a boring and dry topic. Please tell me if there's anything that i can do to stuck ob points into my head!

"Domestic Unrest has adverse effect on the people living in it"...

Hrm? Don't get me wrong.. it wasn't me who wrote it. it was someone from the past. wahahhaha- its someone from the secondary school.

Well i shan't let my three years of Diploma go to the drain for nothing.. I shall make use of it rather. I will use this example and use Urie B---------- ( super long name and it sounds Bunsen burner)'s Microsystem and explain why he said that " adverse effect" ... okay wait ar... let me finish my Thematic web first.. five more parts to go!! woo0hooot!!!

oh dear.. this is so last minute.. i think ( when you think its self denial) its due to burnout plus procrastination, plus a week of SUPER BUSY, SUPER TIGHT, SUPER RUSH schedule that's why i doing last minute work.. who to blame? i think its neither.. everyone is in the wrong.